Boris
posted by kjinj at 5:12 PM
0 comments
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Friday, October 27, 2006
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
Monday, October 23, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
The Fish
A priest hooks a huge fish. Helping him reel it in, a sailor says
"Whoa,look at the size of that fucker!"
"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father,but
that's what this fish is called - it's a Fucker fish"
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the
fish back to church.
"Look at this huge fucker" says the priest, spotting the bishop.
"Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop.
"No, no - that's what this fish is called, " says the priest.
"Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fucker
and we could have it for dinner".
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother
superior. "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her.
"My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked.
"No, sister that's what the fish is called - a fucker, " says the
bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the Mother Superior says, "wonderful,
I'll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!"
The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it. "Well, I
caught the fucker!" says the priest. "And I cleaned the fucker!" says
the bishop. "And I cooked the fucker!" says the Mother Superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on
his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, Pours
himself a whiskey and says "You know what?, You cunts are alright."
"Whoa,look at the size of that fucker!"
"Hey, mind your language!" says the priest.
Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, "Sorry father,but
that's what this fish is called - it's a Fucker fish"
Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the
fish back to church.
"Look at this huge fucker" says the priest, spotting the bishop.
"Language, please! this is God's house," replies the bishop.
"No, no - that's what this fish is called, " says the priest.
"Oh," says the bishop, scratching his chin "I could clean that fucker
and we could have it for dinner".
So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother
superior. "Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?" he asks her.
"My, what language!" she exclaims, clearly shocked.
"No, sister that's what the fish is called - a fucker, " says the
bishop.
Satisfied with the explanation, the Mother Superior says, "wonderful,
I'll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!"
The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it. "Well, I
caught the fucker!" says the priest. "And I cleaned the fucker!" says
the bishop. "And I cooked the fucker!" says the Mother Superior.
The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on
his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, Pours
himself a whiskey and says "You know what?, You cunts are alright."
posted by kjinj at 7:58 AM
0 comments
Monday, October 16, 2006
Friday, October 13, 2006
There is no Gay tea
I have discovered that there is no gay tea. I was told that Darjeeling tea is gay. I did not believe the person who told me so I had to find out. I emailed Twinings.
______________________________________________________________________________________
Hello,
I have been a fan of your teas for a good 40 years. I generally drink morning Breakfast tea with the occasional Ceylon when I am in the mood.
I have a dilemma at the moment however. I have tried to speak to many people but without any success so I thought it best to contact Twinings directly.
I have recently discovered that my youngest son is Gay. He lives in Australia so I do not get to see him all that often. The news came as a surprise to me, I'm not as old fashioned as my sister for example so this isnt really a problem.
He is coming over to visit my wife and I at the end of March - he is even bringing his partner.
One of the first things that I will offer is a cup of tea. I have been told that Gay people are partial to certain teas such as Darjeeling or Earl Grey. I am not sure about this and do not want to cause offence. Can you please give me some insight into this? I don't wan't to offend him with the wrong sort of tea and am not sure if my usual favourites would be apt.
I have not seen him for a while so it will be a special occasion - I really want to make it perfect. Do you have any information from your gay customers regarding what kinds of teas that they are partial to?
I know this is odd but really do appreciate your help.
Best regards,
Patrick
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: Customer Services
To: Patrick Pigeon
Date: Feb 16, 2006 11:30 AM
Subject: Response from Twinings
Dear Patrick,
Thank you for your recent contact regarding Twinings.
I can confirm for you that there is no conclusive evidence that sexual preference has any links to preferred flavours and types of teas. We are sure that whatever blend of tea you make your son he will most appreciate.
If you have any other queries that we may be able to help, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Kind Regards
Hannah Morrison
Customer Services
R Twining & Co Ltd
______________________________________________________________________________________
Hello,
I have been a fan of your teas for a good 40 years. I generally drink morning Breakfast tea with the occasional Ceylon when I am in the mood.
I have a dilemma at the moment however. I have tried to speak to many people but without any success so I thought it best to contact Twinings directly.
I have recently discovered that my youngest son is Gay. He lives in Australia so I do not get to see him all that often. The news came as a surprise to me, I'm not as old fashioned as my sister for example so this isnt really a problem.
He is coming over to visit my wife and I at the end of March - he is even bringing his partner.
One of the first things that I will offer is a cup of tea. I have been told that Gay people are partial to certain teas such as Darjeeling or Earl Grey. I am not sure about this and do not want to cause offence. Can you please give me some insight into this? I don't wan't to offend him with the wrong sort of tea and am not sure if my usual favourites would be apt.
I have not seen him for a while so it will be a special occasion - I really want to make it perfect. Do you have any information from your gay customers regarding what kinds of teas that they are partial to?
I know this is odd but really do appreciate your help.
Best regards,
Patrick
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: Customer Services
To: Patrick Pigeon
Date: Feb 16, 2006 11:30 AM
Subject: Response from Twinings
Dear Patrick,
Thank you for your recent contact regarding Twinings.
I can confirm for you that there is no conclusive evidence that sexual preference has any links to preferred flavours and types of teas. We are sure that whatever blend of tea you make your son he will most appreciate.
If you have any other queries that we may be able to help, please do not hesitate to contact us.
Kind Regards
Hannah Morrison
Customer Services
R Twining & Co Ltd
posted by kjinj at 1:50 AM
0 comments
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Searching for Patrick Pigeon
Searching for Patrick Fidgen
I know that patrick pigeon is a strange name so I had to find other patrick pigeons to make myself understant that othe patrick pigeons were alive. I did not find any but i finded patrick fidgen. I thought we were friends but not now because he did not talk to me. i have put the emails to him from me and from him to me below so you can see. i did not meet him but i loved him in a way that i do not know how to say so please read.
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 18:33:15 -0000
Subject: Patrick, you are like me too
Patrick,
I search the earth for other people named Patrick Pigeon. I found your email address on search engine and even though it is not like Patrick Pigeon I think that Patrick Fidgen is very close. Please look at my poem. Tell me if you have poem the same too. I would really like to have one poem from you.
I have put my poem in english for you (dont know you not speak french) but have put my webpage on internet for you to see poem in french too.
Please write back to me.
Wolf on Moon
A last chance Only as a wolf on the moon I open my heart to you last
once Before eclipsing me with this star of tears
I be there, to await my only chance Loan to you take,
ready to you like for the eternity
I will always like you You are the sun that I sought the moons since!
Patrick Pigeon
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 2002 11:29:41 -0000
Subject: Are you fine
Patrick,
I am worried that you are not fine. Please tell me you are fine so that I can not worry. Did you get my poem, did you write a poem for me.
please tell me that you are fine. You might not get these emails as you may be on holiday or even ill (i hope not). I will keep sending emails to make sure that you get them.
bye,
Patrick Pigeon
Patrick.Pigeon@wanadoo.fr
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Fidgen"
To: "Patrick Pigeon"
Subject: RE: Are you fine
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 2002 13:15:06 -0000
Why are you emailing me?
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 2002 14:23:34 -0000
Subject: RE: Are you fine
Patrick,
I thought that I made clear why I was emailing you. You have almost the same name as me and I am interested to speak to people with the name Patrick Pigeon. I know that you are not Patrick Pigeon but as your name is Patrick Fidgen I thought that it was quite the same but different.
I care about people with my name and to show you that I care I wanted to send you a poem. I found your email on the internet. I want a poem from you so that I can see what you think and if you think like Patrick Pigeon even though your name is Patrick Fidgen.
Please do not be rude to me because I just want to say hello.
bye
Patrick Pigeon
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To: "Patrick Fidgen"
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 2002 15:29:45 -0000
Subject: HELLO PATRICK (PLEASE OPEN)
Patrick Fidgen, hello again. I am worried about you. I want to know if Patrick Fidgen is the same as Patrick Pigeon. I am French and you must be american so I want to know if the word means the same thing. In france a pigeon is a bird. Is a Fidgen a bird in America?
Please let me know if it is the same so that I can take you off of the list. I then be able to know how many people have the same name as me that is Patrick Pigeon.
Bye
Patrick Pigeon
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Mon, 25 Mar 2002 17:11:57 -0000
Subject: Hello again, hope you are fine
Patrick,
I am very worried about you now I may call government to make sure that you are ok and that nothing bad has happened. I just like to know that Patrick Fidgen is fine because I think that Fidgen means Pigeon in american.
Have you written poem yet? I am very interested to see it. I could even put it in my next book but I would have to make it read french instead of american.
Please say hello back to Patrick Pigeon.
Bye
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 16:35:05 -0000
Subject:
Patrick I just saw that on hotmail my name was Patrick Pidgen and not
Patrick Pigeon. I am very sorryu for this, i do not want you to think that I
write my name different.
bye
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Fri, 18 Oct 2002 15:38:02 -0000
Subject: NOOOOOOO
Hello Patrick,
I have just learned that you are leaving Yahoo. That means that you wont
have this email to speak to me on anymore. What is your new email so that I
can still say hello when I want to. I dont like it that i had to hear from
someone else that you are leaving your email address behind. I think that
you should have emailed me to tell me this is what is happening. I think
that your behaviour is unnacceptable but I will have to forgive you through
my pain.
I have wrote a poem for you:
Somehow I knew, that one day I'd find you out.
Finally I know the truth, without a doubt.
My secret prayers to deny this day,
turned into smoke and went away.
No one ever told me this, and no one ever
tried. I just looked for the truth in what
you have said and discovered you had lied.
I feel the pain in my heart like someone has stabbed me with a knife and
then poured salt into it and then burned it with a cigarette and then put
their fingers in the hole and wiggled it about until i can take no more and
then they put some maggots inside the wound until they eat it.
that is how I feel.
I will speak to you soon.
Bye..
Patrick Pigeon
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Fidgen"
To: "Patrick Pigeon"
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
Date: Fri, 18 Oct 2002 16:46:42 +0100
Who are you and how did you find out I was leaving?
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 13:42:22 -0000
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
What do you mean WHO AM I??
Do you mean that you have not read all of my emails in the past and read all
of my poems too? You have emailed me before so you know who i am. I am
Patrick Pigeon which is almost the same as Patrick Fidgen so you should know
who i am more than other people would know who i am. I know that you are
leacving because I have eyes and have ears and I am your friend and you are
treating me like i am not a friend when i am.
i will not take this anymore partick fidgen, you will respect me!
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 14:11:25 -0000
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
Patrick,
Why are you reBUFFing me after all of this time? I do not know why you did
not say so in the very beginning instead of waiting until now to tell me
now. Now I have been stringed on a lead for a long time and my heart strings
are hurting and i need us to meet each other.
I like to finger pigeons but I would finger a Fidgen if you asked.
thats what you mean to me!!!!!!
I cannot take life without you
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Fidgen"
To: "Patrick Pigeon"
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 15:17:54 +0100
ha ha!
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 16:02:28 -0000
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
only now do you see
/>
I know that patrick pigeon is a strange name so I had to find other patrick pigeons to make myself understant that othe patrick pigeons were alive. I did not find any but i finded patrick fidgen. I thought we were friends but not now because he did not talk to me. i have put the emails to him from me and from him to me below so you can see. i did not meet him but i loved him in a way that i do not know how to say so please read.
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Tue, 19 Mar 2002 18:33:15 -0000
Subject: Patrick, you are like me too
Patrick,
I search the earth for other people named Patrick Pigeon. I found your email address on search engine and even though it is not like Patrick Pigeon I think that Patrick Fidgen is very close. Please look at my poem. Tell me if you have poem the same too. I would really like to have one poem from you.
I have put my poem in english for you (dont know you not speak french) but have put my webpage on internet for you to see poem in french too.
Please write back to me.
Wolf on Moon
A last chance Only as a wolf on the moon I open my heart to you last
once Before eclipsing me with this star of tears
I be there, to await my only chance Loan to you take,
ready to you like for the eternity
I will always like you You are the sun that I sought the moons since!
Patrick Pigeon
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 2002 11:29:41 -0000
Subject: Are you fine
Patrick,
I am worried that you are not fine. Please tell me you are fine so that I can not worry. Did you get my poem, did you write a poem for me.
please tell me that you are fine. You might not get these emails as you may be on holiday or even ill (i hope not). I will keep sending emails to make sure that you get them.
bye,
Patrick Pigeon
Patrick.Pigeon@wanadoo.fr
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Fidgen"
To: "Patrick Pigeon"
Subject: RE: Are you fine
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 2002 13:15:06 -0000
Why are you emailing me?
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Wed, 20 Mar 2002 14:23:34 -0000
Subject: RE: Are you fine
Patrick,
I thought that I made clear why I was emailing you. You have almost the same name as me and I am interested to speak to people with the name Patrick Pigeon. I know that you are not Patrick Pigeon but as your name is Patrick Fidgen I thought that it was quite the same but different.
I care about people with my name and to show you that I care I wanted to send you a poem. I found your email on the internet. I want a poem from you so that I can see what you think and if you think like Patrick Pigeon even though your name is Patrick Fidgen.
Please do not be rude to me because I just want to say hello.
bye
Patrick Pigeon
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To: "Patrick Fidgen"
Date: Fri, 22 Mar 2002 15:29:45 -0000
Subject: HELLO PATRICK (PLEASE OPEN)
Patrick Fidgen, hello again. I am worried about you. I want to know if Patrick Fidgen is the same as Patrick Pigeon. I am French and you must be american so I want to know if the word means the same thing. In france a pigeon is a bird. Is a Fidgen a bird in America?
Please let me know if it is the same so that I can take you off of the list. I then be able to know how many people have the same name as me that is Patrick Pigeon.
Bye
Patrick Pigeon
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Mon, 25 Mar 2002 17:11:57 -0000
Subject: Hello again, hope you are fine
Patrick,
I am very worried about you now I may call government to make sure that you are ok and that nothing bad has happened. I just like to know that Patrick Fidgen is fine because I think that Fidgen means Pigeon in american.
Have you written poem yet? I am very interested to see it. I could even put it in my next book but I would have to make it read french instead of american.
Please say hello back to Patrick Pigeon.
Bye
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Wed, 31 Jul 2002 16:35:05 -0000
Subject:
Patrick I just saw that on hotmail my name was Patrick Pidgen and not
Patrick Pigeon. I am very sorryu for this, i do not want you to think that I
write my name different.
bye
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Fri, 18 Oct 2002 15:38:02 -0000
Subject: NOOOOOOO
Hello Patrick,
I have just learned that you are leaving Yahoo. That means that you wont
have this email to speak to me on anymore. What is your new email so that I
can still say hello when I want to. I dont like it that i had to hear from
someone else that you are leaving your email address behind. I think that
you should have emailed me to tell me this is what is happening. I think
that your behaviour is unnacceptable but I will have to forgive you through
my pain.
I have wrote a poem for you:
Somehow I knew, that one day I'd find you out.
Finally I know the truth, without a doubt.
My secret prayers to deny this day,
turned into smoke and went away.
No one ever told me this, and no one ever
tried. I just looked for the truth in what
you have said and discovered you had lied.
I feel the pain in my heart like someone has stabbed me with a knife and
then poured salt into it and then burned it with a cigarette and then put
their fingers in the hole and wiggled it about until i can take no more and
then they put some maggots inside the wound until they eat it.
that is how I feel.
I will speak to you soon.
Bye..
Patrick Pigeon
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Fidgen"
To: "Patrick Pigeon"
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
Date: Fri, 18 Oct 2002 16:46:42 +0100
Who are you and how did you find out I was leaving?
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 13:42:22 -0000
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
What do you mean WHO AM I??
Do you mean that you have not read all of my emails in the past and read all
of my poems too? You have emailed me before so you know who i am. I am
Patrick Pigeon which is almost the same as Patrick Fidgen so you should know
who i am more than other people would know who i am. I know that you are
leacving because I have eyes and have ears and I am your friend and you are
treating me like i am not a friend when i am.
i will not take this anymore partick fidgen, you will respect me!
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 14:11:25 -0000
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
Patrick,
Why are you reBUFFing me after all of this time? I do not know why you did
not say so in the very beginning instead of waiting until now to tell me
now. Now I have been stringed on a lead for a long time and my heart strings
are hurting and i need us to meet each other.
I like to finger pigeons but I would finger a Fidgen if you asked.
thats what you mean to me!!!!!!
I cannot take life without you
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Fidgen"
To: "Patrick Pigeon"
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 15:17:54 +0100
ha ha!
______________________________________________________________________________________
From: "Patrick Pigeon"
To:
Date: Mon, 21 Oct 2002 16:02:28 -0000
Subject: RE: NOOOOOOO
only now do you see
/>
posted by kjinj at 6:06 AM
0 comments
